The second episode of WEBCAMS. Titled “The Prostaglandins Conundrum” (a reference to female hormones that occur during menstruation -- a fact that is juxtaposed against it occurring in dude; a word so obscure it’s flagged as a typo) this episode was post during March of 2010.
Along with discussion about menstrual cramps in men, this chat also included a bit about a MOTHER-FRIKKEN TWILIGHT BOOK BURNING!!!!! Oddly appropriate, now that we’re in the twilight of the Twilight movie series.
Side-note: for those who haven’t watched (or haven’t watched in a long time) watch the WHOLE video. I completely forgot about the surprise appearance at the end.
Interestingly, one of the more interesting things about this episode was a monetization idea I had developed and tried to implement. Not original or even overly brilliant, but it was a kind of genius in its simplicity. The idea was simple: each episode of the collaborative show could have one or two sponsors that are advertised with a 10 second clip at the opening or closing of the video. Since the show is collaborative and gets lots of views, a sponsor has an opportunity to reach out directly to an audience for $20 or $30 a spot.
Again, great in concept, terrible in execution.
The main flaw is that even though many people were involved in making WEBCAMS, it didn’t actually have a very large audience. I tried finding WEBCAMS a home on a partner channel with a wider viewership, but those plans didn’t work out. So even with the “test run” sponsorship with Project:Awesome (pro bono, no money was exchanged) there was just no interest in establishing WEBCAMS as a self-sufficient internet show.
But it’s still a decent idea, waiting to be planted in fertile soils.
I’ve been busy rebuilding my archive of krumbinesBRAIN videos the past few days with the specific intent to use them as fodder for Today’s Video of the Day. Unfortunately, the Gods of Rap had different plans for today’s post and subsequently commanded Rob Morgan to drop the initiator to round 4 of THE GREAT DEVILMAS BEAT-OFF OF 2011.
I’ll save the proper jabs for my own round 4 rap, but I have to give Rob kudos. I made a concerted effort (in spite of the lyrics) to actually take my last rap DOWN a notch with a slower BPM. Rob followed my cue and improved -- he started slow and went super-fast in the second half.
Only problem was that I couldn’t UNDERSTAND the second half. Which is why Rob was considerate enough to include lyrics in the description.
Secondly, Rob busted a move or two. Such a monumental impact on the fabric of space-time will not go un-countered. Chris LeBrane may get his breakdance fight yet.
Technical quibbles aside, Rob has managed to ignite a pretty fascinating creative maelstrom here. Not only has it resulted in my own (admittedly awesome) rap videos, but MattyHo also threw down. And now Rob has called out -- by name -- Anna M. And I’m fairly certain TheHairyGeek (who already showed off his rhyming chops during WEBCAMS) will get in on the round 4 action.
Which leaves me with not one, but two questions:
1. Who else will we see throw down in the Great Devilmas Beat-Off of 2011? And, more ominously …
2. What comes next?
I was drunk last night. I can admit it. There were other oppressing mental quandaries pressing against my skull (subjects of which will assuredly wind up in future episodes of krumbinesBRAIN) and I was in no mood to indulge. But mostly I was drunk when I saw the notification that a video response had been posted to my last Devilmas Beat-Off video (“Beanie Bounced”).
Unfortunately, instead of it being the surely epic fourth-round initiator from Rob Morgan, it was a video from a youtuber named Manualsearch. I knew immediately that this wasn’t going to be good. In the past few years of “internet-knowing” this particular individual, our relationship (as unnecessary as that word may be) had been antagonistic and irritating. More over, the literal quality of his videos were just bad -- in regards to sound, video, and the like.
Watching his video response to the Beat-Off -- and remember, I was admittedly drunk at the time -- I was treated to more of the same. One of my pet peeves about youtube is when people post audio with no video -- strike one! Manualsearch recorded a rap with no music and of poor audio quality, the only video on display being a photo of a ham.
In my drunken state, I found the video antagonistic, offensive to both my personal and creative sensibilities, and overall had simply had enough of this particular individual. In about two seconds I removed the video response, unsubbed his channel, and blocked him.
It wasn’t until this morning that I appreciated the fact that in spite of the content, I still had inspired this guy to create it -- a founding principle of Horbawrong Studios. Cool, huh?
Did I unblock him? Hell no. If you read my earlier post about the Socialism Now video, you know my attitude towards general unpleasantness on youtube has become one of ignorance. Literally: I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to expose myself to it. Honesty, I’m just about fucked up enough my own head without anybody else contributing to the crazy. Is it so difficult to not be positive on youtube? I know I have a history of antagonizing and a little negativity, myself, so I’m not trying to paint myself as a righteous do-gooder. But right here, right now, this is where I’m at in my life.
I want to create and entertain and have people enjoy these bites of art and I have no interest in indulging the negative, naysayers, and hateful.
And while this story certainly isn’t black-and-white -- again, it’s my past history with manualsearch that prompted my actions last night -- in a tacit apology for the blockage and removal, I present his video as Today’s Video of the Day. It’s a big internet; let’s go our separate ways in peace.
Join the neurosis on Facebook: facebook.com/krumbine
The following is a short story. I received an email yesterday about a 600 word short story contest, so I promptly scoured my previously-written material for a suitable entry. Finding nothing (everything was too long -- ironic because I have problems writing books longer than 30k words) I figured it was appropriate to write something fresh. But what? I stewed on it over night and this morning the title came to me. The rest was easy. And by easy, I mean horrifically challenging because my first draft of this 600 word short story was over 700 words. And cutting material out of a story already so short is probably the most difficult thing a writer can do.
He groaned in satisfaction. From his low perspective, he stared out the window to an unobstructed view of blue sky.
“What is that, the second time today?”
He closed is eyes, hoping to shut out the low, criticizing voice from the other side of the apartment.
“Not that it’s the end of the world if you keep doing that, I just think you could find a more productive use of your time.”
“Please stop judging me.”
“Because my judgment isn’t a mirrored reflection of your own self-hatred?”
He opened his eyes and looked across the small room at the Ironic Zombie Puppet lying on the furniture that barricaded the front door. The Ironic Zombie Puppet lay flat on its back with its head facing the Puppeteer. It was a macabre representation of a rotting corpse. The left eyeball hung from its socket while the cloudy right eye stared intently at the Puppeteer.
Suddenly self-conscious, the Puppeteer tucked himself away and zipped his threadbare pants.
“What, are you shy now? You know I’ve seen worse.”
“Says the man responsible for everything I say.”
The Puppeteer stood from the tattered easy chair and shuffled to another corner of the tiny apartment, hanging his head to avoid the gaze of the Ironic Zombie Puppet.
“I wish you would stop trying to run from me. You have no place to go. Unless, of course, you want to go outside.”
“I’m not going outside.”
“Are you scared to go outside?”
The Puppeteer spun around to face the Ironic Zombie Puppet, anger burning his face. “Of course I’m scared! What the fuck am I supposed to do?! There’s nothing out there but death!”
“There’s nothing in here, with specific regards to your sanity.”
The Puppeteer shook his head and began pacing. “No. No, this has to be better. I can make the food last a few more days. And it might rain soon, so I can collect more water. This has to be better.”
“Better than what?”
“Better than what?! Going outside, you fucking ass!”
“Calm down, now. Do you need to jerk off again?”
The Puppeteer stopped pacing and looked at the Ironic Zombie Puppet, a thought flashing through his head. “Stop judging me,” he growled.
“Says the man responsible for everything I say.”
The Puppeteer took a step towards the Ironic Zombie Puppet, his eyes growing dark.
“I hope you’re not planning on doing anything stupid.”
“Stop judging me,” the Puppeteer threatened again.
The Puppeteer grabbed the Ironic Zombie Puppet tightly.
“What are you doing?”
“STOP JUDGING ME!”
The Puppeteer hurled the Ironic Zombie Puppet at the window where it bounced and fell to floor. The Puppeteer’s chest heaved as he stalked over to the window.
“That was unnecessary.”
The Puppeteer unlocked the window and lifted it. Fresh air wafted into the stuffy apartment and with it came an inhuman stench. From somewhere below, there was a distinct glurping.
“What are you doing?”
The Puppeteer grabbed the Ironic Zombie Puppet for the last time.
“This won’t solve anything.”
“No, but it’ll make me feel better.”
“If you want to feel better, why don’t you just jerk off again?”
The Puppeteer stared at the fake-rotting latex face of the Ironic Zombie Puppet and found himself filled with a sadness. It was all too fleeting. The pleasure. Happiness. Purpose, of any kind. Friendship.
The Puppeteer turned around and sat on the window’s ledge, still holding the Ironic Zombie Puppet.
“There, that’s better.”
The Puppeteer sighed and then let himself fall backwards out the window. Much better.
I received a rather eloquent comment on my YouTube channel early this morning:
"WAHH I CAN'T TAKE CRITICISM SO I CENSOR COMMENTS...