My apologies to Obsy for the delay in entering his epic contest ... my only defense is that in order to enter it, I would have to drastically change my physical appearance.  And unlike Obsquatch, I have a girlfriend.  You know, someone who will have sex with me.  As it is already is something of a miracle that someone is willing to play with my penis in a non-Michael-Jackson sort of way (too soon??), you can understand why I'm hesitant to jeopardize my chances for sex by altering the way I look.  You just don't mess with shit like that, dude.

That being said, the stars finally aligned and I took my chances.  Unfortunately, things didn't go so well.  Click the "Read More" link to see why I now have to find a new girlfriend.