I'm digging for some archived comics (of which I fear I might have lost--*GASP*) and I came across this nugget that I made sure I saved from an old website (circa: Summer 2004).  I'm not bothering with hyperlinks--it's really not worth the effort.  Seriously: I'm just doing this because I'm an ass.

FRUITBASKET FROM HELL ... REALLY!

The book is called Fruitbasket From Hell and it was written by a very much unknown named Jason Krumbine. (Yes, this is my brother. Which is why I'm writing this. He did not, however, request this review, nor did I run it past him before I published it - something that will be evident by the end of the review.) I was admittedly reluctant to read this book, and probably wouldn't have read it if not for the fact that I had to spend four days with my parents in Naples, Florida with nothing else better to do. (Courtesy Hurricane Frances.)

There are two things I'm going to be talking about in this review: the actual story and the actual product. Jason elected to self-publish his novel and the service he uses is a place that utilizes print-on demand. Meaning a copy of the book doesn't exist until you order it.

First, the story ...

The main character of this story (one might even say the "driving force") is Alex Cheradon. Alex reminded me of that pesky, annoying character that everybody hates in one of those slasher movies. You know, the one that ends up dead within the first fifteen minutes? Well, to understand the depth of Fruitbasket, imagine that character getting his own novel. This is annoying, but it gets worse. While most books approach narrative from the third person perspective (He said, she said), Jason uses a first person perspective (I said), namely Alex's, for the novel. So now, not only do I have to suffer the rank stupidity exhibited by the character every time he opens his mouth, I also have to endure every bit of his inner monologue.

And there's quite a bit of it, too.

Okay, who is Alex Cheradon and what is this story all about? I'll answer the second one first. From the back of the book is this thumbnail description (as well as a less than flattering photo of the author):

Nevada Raines is missing.Her father thinks she's dead.Her mother hopes she's alive.Alex Cheradon, the private investigator they hired to find her, is praying that he won't get beaten, shot at, blown up, cursed, or otherwise made dead while looking for her.It's going to be a rough couple of days.
While this does do the job, it does it rather ineloquently. I could forgive him, but I stumbled across the beginning paragraph for one of the chapters that was just so incredibly fantastic, all I can do is wonder why he didn't use this instead:

You know, when you dial the number of a dead vampire who used to be a dead rich guy who was leading a double life as a bingo conductor for a Catholic church, one of the last things you expect to hear is someone on the other end announcing himself as the said dead guy. It's just creepy.

The story, in nutshell, is this: Alex Cheradon, PI and all around dick (pun intended) is hired by Steven Raines (the man who created the Artifice 5 operating system and dethroned Bill Gates and Microsoft Windows) to find his daughter, Nevada, for one million dollars. He gives Cheradon a briefcase filled with details of Nevada's life as well as the throwaway detail about her being a purported Satanist.

Alex Cheradon has been vehemently trying to get away from the supernatural cases, but it's hard to argue with a million dollars. Especially when it's up front. Which is one of the very few things about this book that I can relate to.

Alex conducts his investigation by "interviewing" the key people around Nevada. The interviews themselves aren't terrible interesting or informative - Jason tries to mix things up by playing with the timeline/sequence of events, "Tarantino Style". It’s a good idea, but a bad format for it and therefore a subsequently bad execution. One chapter is the end of the sequence, the next is the beginning, and the one following picks up where the first left off. This works in cinema because it happens over the course of minutes and there are visuals to reinforce your memory. In a book, this method is disastrous because it alienates the reader and forces them to go back to a previously read chapter just so they know what's going on. Personally, I'd rather put the book down and read something else,

There's action, vampires, guys that won't die, and guns. In fact there's one gun in the book that’s practically a character in and of itself--for no particular reason either. The ending of the book is effectively twisty however anti-climatic. Ultimately, it left me frusterated.

The story has enormous potential. The author has enormous talent. The final product that's delivered falls, unfortunately, unexpectedly short. In a word, it is vastly underwhelming.

Let's talk now, briefly, about the publication of the novel. Jason utilized a print-on-demand publisher called Xlibris. The copy I read was paperback and had been read by two other people prior to finding its way into my hands. The cover was severely curled and the plastic lamination had begun peeling back. As for the actual printed words, I ear-marked the pages where the print was blurry and very close to illegible--which was surprisingly frequent--about twenty or so pages out of about three hundred. I also acquired a hardcover copy that looked to be of much greater quality than the paperback. So if you’re going to buy the book, invest your money into the hardcover if for no other reason than it will last longer--longer be defined as "for more than one reading".

There is another dimension to this, one that ultimately greatly affects whether I recommend the book or not. And that's the notion of the little guy making it big. It's the notion of creating a community of writers that don't follow the traditional routes of publication. It is, as is everything else about wacky-movies.net, the notion of revolutionizing the way people think about, interact, and even participate with written word, video, comics, and the like. It is with this in mind that I encourage any one who has the extra money to purchase a copy of Fruitbasket From Hell. Buy a copy of the book and get in touch with the author either through his email or website. Keep a close eye on Jason and the internet based writing community--it's in for some very big things.

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