Jamie's thumbs flew over the keys of his Blackberry as he texted one of the leading men in his NewTubers webshow.  Barry Heinemann was the one performer who had appeared in every one of the twenty-eight--soon to be twenty-nine--episodes of The NewTubers.  Not only was he the most consistent to appear in the show, but he was the most consistent performer on the show.  A brilliant and talented actor who approached a script with director's eye.  In Jamie's opinion, the defacto standard of perfection for a internet actor.

They had known each other for years, and had bonded over writing and producing videos.  For the longest time, they remained several states apart, but when Jamie's and Josh's production company got its first batch of funding, Jamie moved Heinemann into a place slightly more convenient.

Rarely did a day pass without a flurry of text messages being exchanged between the two.

TO: HEINEMANN
FROM: JAMIE
Josh is gonna eat shit. I got Kindman.

TO: JAMIE
FROM: HEINEMANN
No fucking way. R u serious?!

TO: HEINEMANN
FROM: JAMIE
Just got the email a few hours ago. He's in for the 3-episode arc.

TO: JAMIE
FROM: HEINEMANN
Dude, that fucker has over 500k subs! 1 episode with him will send the show thru the roof! o fuck--this is gonna happen on Joshs 50th??

TO: HEINEMANN
FROM: JAMIE
That asshole won't know what happened. We're gonna bury him in a day. It'll be awesome.

TO: JAMIE
FROM: HEINEMANN
This is great. I saw Pam last nite-- everything ok with u 2?

TO: HEINEMANN
FROM: JAMIE
Yeah, fine. Why?

TO: JAMIE
FROM: HEINEMANN
She was with Sherry n it looked like a bitch-fest.

TO: HEINEMANN
FROM: JAMIE
Dunno. Saw her yesterday morning n things were fine.

TO: JAMIE
FROM: HEINEMANN
Yeah, it was prolly nothing. Prolly Sherry venting about that bum she married. Oh, dude, guess waht?

TO: HEINEMANN
FROM: JAMIE
What?

TO: JAMIE
FROM: HEINEMANN
WE FUCKING GOT KINDMAN!!!!!!!

Josh rolled over and let the cool air wash over his body.  The sweat cooled on his skin and his heavy breathing gradually slowed.

"Wow," he said, his voice punctuated with genuine awe.  "That was something else."

The room was dark.  The bedsheets were a tangled mess between Josh's and Liz's legs.  Liz layed motionless on her back, her fierce mane of red hair splayed out underneath her head like blood from a fatal headwound at a grisly crime scene.  Her breathing was soft and mild--the evening's activities had clearly taken more out of Josh than Liz.

"Mmh," she offered, her overwhelming generosity mostly lost on Josh.

"You know, I'm really excited about our fiftieth episode," Josh said, rolling over and propping his head up to look at Liz.  "Everyone is loving the script.  It's gonna be a big deal."

Liz shifted in a calculated way, pivoting so that she faced away from Josh for briefest of moments before she mimicked his position, rolling to her side to face him.  In that instant when she was facing away from him, her eyeballs performed death-defying gymnastic rolls in her head.

"That's great," she said with an absurdly warm smile.

"Yeah, it is, isn't it?"  Josh returned her fake smile with a genuine one and rolled onto his back again.  "Jamie thinks The NewTubers 29th episode is going to  get better numbers, but I keep thinking that, yeah, maybe his show generates more hits, but fifty is a huge milestone--it's gonna be huge.  Plus, people have been really digging this new story arc in Tech Heads and all Jamie has for The NewTubers is a guy named Larry Kindman."

This piqued Liz's attention, albiet begrudgingly.  "Larry Kindman?  As in Kindman099?"

Liz's recognition of the name surprised Josh.  "Really?  C'mon, Liz!"

"Well, he's big on the internet."

"Yeah, obviously he's big if even YOU'VE heard of him."  Liz shot him a look and he conveniently ignored it.  "But I told you about the script, right?"

Liz's eyes did a slightly less death-defying roll and this time did little to hide it from Josh.  "The one for your fiftieth?"

"Yeah."

"What about it?"

"People love it."

"Josh?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"Would you mind NOT talking about work right after we finish fucking?"

***

Got one of the t-shirts?  Send me a picture and I'll post it on the website!  As you can see above, Hawaii is now intimately familiar with the J-Bear.

I've been very content these past few days. This sense of contentment was contrasted sharply when I was flipping through some old blogs for a new compilation, best-of book (quick roundup, the books I'm currently working on are: Talking Heads Year One; Destructive Criticism; BORC-9 (a story about a boy and his trash can); and Another Alternative (or: Seminal Works are for Pornstars).

Yeah ... not all of these are new projects and a few are just editing projects (mainly). I'm not working exclusively on any particular one, but instead letting my inspiration guide me. But this isn't about the projects I'm working on, it's about how content I've been for the past few days.

The juxtaposition was how frantic and unsatisfying life was just a few short years ago--frantic because I was clearly NOT in the places I wanted to be. And up until a few days ago, I was constantly worrying about the sub-count on YouTube, the pageviews on here, and the production and roll out of new content in both places as to better facilitate my rise to ultimate power.

Today, however, none of that matters.

Even the frustrations of my real life are inconsequential today.

And I know you're expecting some grand reveal here--some brilliant life changing moment that acted as a catalyst for this overwhelming sense of contentment--but I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed.

Nothing out of the ordinary has happened. I did not make partner; my sub-count hovers just under 400; and winners still haven't been announced in the last screenplay contest I entered (they're wicked late, too).

But I'm satisfied. Content. For no other reason than that it's been a long time coming. Tomorrow, I might start stressing all over again about the minutae of my existence, but for now ... I'm good.

How are you?

Okay, so it should come as no surprise to you that I'm constantly inventing spectacularly silly shit.  A while ago, I made a couple of photo comics that were the perfect example.  Have a peek and tell me what you think.

Recent developments in the dreaded real life are prompting today's post.  I say "dreaded" real life because every now and then something comes along and kicks you in the ass so hard, that no matter what flavor of awesomeness is passing across the screen of your webular life, you just can't help but think how sore your bum is.

I'll spare you the details of the real life drama and cut straight to the heart of the matter--which, if you've been paying attention, has been a regular theme in this blog: fighting.

Arguing.  Debating.  Expressing one's thoughts and opinions explicitly when they differ from those of the person you are talking to.

I think most of us can agree that fighting is a delicious part of a relationship.  For those of you who don't agree, don't worry ... you will, in due time.  Fighting, at it's core, is conflict.  And it is from the mud and scum of conflict that beautiful things grow.

But let's clarify the need to fight and argue.  Specifically, WHOM to fight and argue with.  We'll use a sample argument--a differing opinion on a particular movie in the cineplex--to illustrate these fundamentals.

JIM: "Oh, I really want to go see The Proposal.  Ryan Reynolds is the SHIT."
JANE: "Well, I can agree with that."
JIM: "Come again?"
JANE: "Ryan Reynolds is shit.  I wouldn't watch a movie starring him if you paid me."
JIM: "Um, EXCUSE ME?"

Here's where things get sticky.  What kind of relationship do you think Jim and Jane are in?  Married?  Dating?  Or are the just strangers passing a movie poster in the cineplex?  If it is, in fact, the latter, what point is there to the argument?  What reason does Jim have justifying is undying affection for Ryan Reynolds?

None whatsover.

(Unless, of course, Jim is single and is prone to picking up women at the movie theater.  Even so, though, the fact that Jane doesn't like Ryan Reynolds likely precludes any potential of the two of them hooking up.)

My point is that fighting between strangers is, more often than not, unnecessary and pointless.  If something comes up, it's likely the best idea to just walk away from the person save everyone a little stress.

But if Jim and Jane are NOT strangers ... this becomes the very necessity for a good fight.

Let me explain:

Instinctively, it may seem like this would be the fight to avoid (as opposed to the one where they're strangers).  But here's the catch: if neither of them ever express to each other why they feel that way about Ryan Reynolds, the end result is nothing (or a breakup, depending on how much Jim REALLY likes Ryan Reynolds and how much anger and hostility he will end up grudgingly holding against Jane for her dislike of the man).

Conversely, if they stop everything and have a good fight about Ryan Reynolds, they both have an opportunity to express WHY they feel the way the do and, if they're exceptionally good fighters, ultimately they'll understand each other's motives.  The end result?

Actually going to see the movie together?  A better understanding of each other?  Jointly overcoming an obstacle in their relationship and later, after watching The Proposal, having crazy hot make-up sex?

Fighting is a good thing.  A great thing, even.  Certainly better than the alternative.  You ever hear of a couple who never fights?  Doesn't that just make you want to pity them forever and for always?

Fighting is very good.

You wanna fight?

NOTE: After writing all of this, I did a search for a picture to include in the post and came across this blog that effectively states all of my thoughts and opinions on arguing ... only way more effectively than anything I wrote here today.

If you're on twitter, you're familiar with Follow Friday.  If you're not familiar with it, don't worry ... you will be.  Or maybe I'm being dumb and Follow Friday actually started somewhere else.

I dunno.

At any rate, twitter is small and narrow and incredibly, um, brief.  There's a bigger internet out there, and people are staking their claims left and right.  For those of you who take the time to write a blog longer than 140 characters, I salute you!

Everyone's Favorite Friendly Muslim has blog here.  What's impressive about his Wordpress blog is that he's insanely eloquent and well-spoken.  Which is not to say that his videos give off the impression that he LACKS the eloquence, it's just that most of us, by now, simply think of him has the lamp-humper.

Let me attempt to set the record straight: Ibrahim is far more than an inveterate lamp-fucker.  In this particular post, he debates whether or not our real-life social interactions are suffering at the hands of our web-based social networks.  I left a comment and you should, too.

On YouTube her name is TheStarvingSoprano (well, on one of her accounts ;) but in real life her name is Em.  Not to be confused with Ziggystarla who is also Em.  Or Emily.  Same difference.  Or not.  One is British, the other is American.  British Em has tapped into the new and improved tumblr (a twitter competitor that is WAY more robust--and by improved, I mean COMMENTS!  Back when I tried out tumblr, comments were not allowed).  The brutal honesty with which she produces videos on YouTube is expertly transferred to her writing.  Since her tumblr blog allows for comments, you should leave one.  I did.

Finally, YouTuber LittleShiela (the exuberant bottle-rocket who baked Talking Heads a birthday cake) has tapped Blogger for her corner of interwebular ramblings.  Recently, she was a regular online and then disappeared for while ... this blog here explains what happened and is a great example of what it means to "know yourself".  It was good enough for me to comment on, so you should too.

Bookmark these blogs, subscribe to their RSS feeds, follow them, or do whatever it is you do when you find a good blog to read.  Personally, I like to do a one-footed jig while wearing a hat made of banana peels ... but that's just me.

Stay creative!

Today, I have a handful of small things to mention, brief items that will invariably lead to much longer and rambly vlogs later on in the day (read: late tonight).

The first thing I'll draw your attention to is the picture up in the corner of this post.  Yes, that's your second official tease of the upcoming Explorers of the Unknown webcomic.  We're doing it right this time, so it's important to take our time with the production.  Until the project goes live, I'll be sharing with you little snippets of art, here and there.

Secondly, I'm cooking up an exiting end-project for the first round of apocablogs.  As such, I would like to formally request that all the participants send me your original video.  To do this, I need you to create an account with blip.tv, upload your video, and then send me the link to the page (my email is jordancg at gmail dot com).  I'm asking for you to use blip.tv because blip allows me to download your original video file, in its original quality.

Finally, I would also like to request that anyone who has read one of the books, please take a moment to go to the book page on lulu.com to rate and leave a short review.  For those who have already done this (BigMackZach), you have my most sincerest gratitude.

In addition to censoring comments in public forums, another upcoming of conversation will be writer's block and whether or not the problem arises from writing the wrong material.

Stay creative, guys!

And now for another installment of "Too Many Comments to Respond To All, So Here's One All-Encompassing Blog Post".

I might have to work on that title.

First, I must tell you that I continue to be honored and humbled by the creative community that continues to grow and develop around me.  The entries into the Apocablog challenge have been truly inspiring and exactly the kind of raw creativity that I've so desperately wanted to be surrounded by.

Thank you.

In my last post, I was actually unsure of where I came down on that whole issue of "I'll pray for you" and the severity of my comments.  To address Ibrahim's question in the comments, the whole situation sparked a conversation outside the interwebs ... it wasn't about your comments as the discussion took place before you posted your thoughts.  I mention this because as important as my internet life is, rarely does it wind up being the subject have legitimate conversations in my "real" life.

Know what I mean?

My point is that despite my trepidation in broaching this subject (and religion in general) I've found your comments and all the resulting conversations to be very encouraging and supportive.

Again, thank you.

This particular dialogue on "I'll pray for you" ended up resonating so strongly with me, that when Tripp posted his series of comments and wrapped things up by asking, essentially, what can the creative community do to shake people from narrow trenches of their preconceived world views (I'm paraphrasing) I felt the immediate need to post a video about the subject ... which I did.  After I attempted to tape it.  Twice.  And then edited about twenty-five minutes of footage down to ten.

It's a little rambly.

But the fact that I never post a video like that should tell you how important it was to me.  Or something.

Maybe I'm just really bored.

Finally, it came to my attention that in previous posts where I linked to my brother's website, a few of you actually clicked over and either left a comment or emailed him directly.  I say one or the other because there are no comments to be found on his website which means you never posted a comment and just emailed him OR you did post a comment and he's summarily deleted all comments that even slightly contradict his opinion.

Please confirm or deny these events in the comments below ... and if you did leave a comment on his website that was subsequently censored into oblivion (read: deleted), feel free to repost it (or the gist of it) below, as this will end up serving as the subject of our next weekly debate series.

Essentially, posting something on the internet that allows for public commentary and then censoring said commentary that was invited in the first place.

And we all say "Hmmmmmm!"

(Photo credit goes to Denitson777--another installment of "Krumbine's Books in their Natural Habitats"!  Also, I owe a HUGE thanks to Denitson for helping me earn my first remission's check for my books when he purchased a copy of the EotU novel the other day.  Thank you!)

I had to think about this one for a few minutes before I started writing.

I'm sure you're all familiar with the lack of familiarity my brother and I share.  I go to somewhat interesting lengths to poke him, much the same way someone might poke a fat person's belly in a none-too-subtle hint as to communicate that they should lose weight.

I should clarify that I have not always been this negative towards this particular individual--and, in fact, not only have I been a staunch supporter and encourager of him in the past, but I've also issued profuse apologies for when my special flavor of encouragement went too far.

These days have long since passed because no matter how many times we circle round and round, we always wind up in the same place.  I am confident and at times arrogant (inasmuch as that the intensity of my focus on certain goals makes my confidence look like arrogance) and I have an extraordinary low tolerance for stupid ... especially when there's no excuse for it and the individual in question actively does everything they can to close their mind off to the very things that will, in turn, make you, well, a SMART person.

I don't want this to be another attack on religion--that's not necessary right now--but I need to address a something certain Christian's like to say and, in turn, was conveyed to me by my brother in his last blog.

"I'll pray for you."

Four words.  End of conversation.  It doesn't matter how much has been said or debated prior or how much steam remains to continue the discussion ... once those four words are uttered--BAM--game over.

"I'll pray for you."

Now, I understand I'll get flack from Tripp (and maybe Ibrahim ;) but I'll say it anyway: what a fucking cop-out.  "I'll pray for you"?!

I once heard that for a professional writer to use "etcetera" is a pathetic and disappointing cop-out.  If your profession is to write and manufacture words, how can you justify replacing whatever it is you're referring to with "etcetera" or worse "etc."?  After considering the statement "I'll pray for you"--when used unsolicited in the context of an argument or a debate where there are fundamental differences of opinion--there can truly be no greater cop-out.

I'd like to take a moment to address all who participated in previous discussions: thank you for actually engaging and contributing to the discussion rather than simply pulling up the draw-bridge and calling out over the alligator-infested moat "I'll pray for you!".

And let me clarify, so I don't totally piss off my religious friends: if someone ASKS for your prayer and you tell them "I'll pray for you", that's something COMPLETELY different than what I'm talking about.  Just so we're clear.

"I'll pray for you."

To say this immediately AFTER actually engaging in a conversation?  Does the word "cowardly" do this phrase any justice?

Which conveniently sets up another of the "Worst of Religion" pet-peeves (this one might actually get me in trouble).  I hate people who hide behind their religion.  I hate people who hold up whatever religion it is that they subscribe to and claim that as an excuse for whatever it is they need an excuse for.  I hate people who further use religion as an excuse to not pursue their own intellectual maturation.

Today, it is my opinion that the phrase "I'll pray for you" is the product of the very worst of these kinds of people.  Clearly, our values differ!  You saying that you'll "pray" for me is nothing less than one final stabbing insult because once those four words are said--BAM--end of conversation.

Those four words tell me that your mind is completely closed off.  Those four words tell me that you've taken the blue pill and don't care how far the rabbit hole goes.  Those four words are the very definition of ignorance and ineptitude because once they're uttered, there simply is nothing more.

And without anything more, you're stuck in this exact moment for your entire life.  Never will you experience anything new or exciting or stimulating or happy or sad--you will never experience these things because you were never open to them in the first place because they never fit into the tiny construct of which your world exists.

"I'll pray for you."

I have some choice words as for what you can do with those prayers of yours, but instead, I'll leave you with this list of responses that I found when I googled that phrase:

- You are not praying hard enough. Pray harder because it's not working.

- "Oh, please don't! If there's anyone up there, I really don't want to draw his attention!"

- I wouldn't tell God what to do, if you know what's good for you....

- Thanks, but I think God is busy helping sports celebrities win important games right now.

- Thanks. And may Vishnu give you four thumbs up on his tenth descent!

- YUCK!! Get it off me! It buuuuuurrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnssssss!!" (And then I go wash.)

- Not necessary, but would you ask Him to spare 50,000 volts for Donald Trump's hair?